Hit Pause

22 July

Sometimes it is ok to hit pause on life.

It has been a while since I’ve written a blog and for good reason, I guess. My cup has been full. Well to be honest it’s been overflowing substantially.

A couple of months ago I took a last minute 10-hour road trip with my best friend to visit my terminally ill aunt in hospital. It was a massive whirlwind of emotions, mental and physical exhaustion, and grief. So much grief! Old and new! It was gut wrenching, physically crippling at times. My anxiety was uncontrollable, so much so I could hardly eat anything for those 4 days and lost a couple of kilos.

Thank goodness I decided to drop everything and go down as she passed away a few weeks later. I am grateful I got to meet her beautiful grandbabies, to see how her face and whole demeaner lit up as soon as they walked into her hospital room. I feel selfish for admitting that I burst into tears as witnessing that pure joy was a reminder and a kick in the guts that I never got to experience my Mum be a grandmother to our 4 boys. That for 28 years I’ve never experienced what that might have been like for me and my family. It was really confusing at the time as I felt so much joy for what I felt so blessed to be witnessing, and so much heavy grief and sadness for what I had lost and what was still missing in our lives.

I have certainly been aware over the past 28 years of what has been missing – mum not meeting the love of my life; not being at my wedding; not being there for my 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th births of our sons, … The list is endless and continues to be.

So, to add that to my day to day of trying to support a very versatile and hormonal teenage boy on the spectrum, all whilst trying to navigate the NDIS system for his plan reassessment, be a supportive Mum of our 3 other boys, run a successful business, and be a loving supportive wife… Then yes, it certainly is ok to hit pause!

It doesn’t have to look like a lot is going on from the outside. If you feel you are starting to get overwhelmed with day-to-day things then definitely hit pause, slow down, take a step back, assess what you need in that moment, take note, and take action.

YOU are your BEST SUPPORT person. LOVE and CARE for yourself.

I have finally learnt to!

Sending you warmth and compassion,

p.s. stay tuned for a future blog I’m hoping to write on some helpful information on a women’s mental overload. It is a real thing!